Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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