Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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