I'm drive I can fine osifer
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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