how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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