Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
