That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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