we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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