The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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