you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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