Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize