I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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