We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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