You made me cry and you don't even care
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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