Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
