Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
