remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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