Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
