So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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