Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
