maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
