every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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