you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
