its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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