My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
