Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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