I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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