I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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