I will die if light touches me.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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