You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize