Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
