He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
