DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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