Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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