I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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