Pappa wants mamma naked
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize