Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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