wrigley field is MILF paradise
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
