so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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