I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
