I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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