you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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