Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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