How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
