I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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