Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
