I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
