Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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