Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
