i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
