Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
