when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
