WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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