Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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