i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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