I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
