I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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