I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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