Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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