I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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