Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
