Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize