Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
