piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
