i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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