As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
