WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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