Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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