I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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