I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
