I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
