I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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