If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm always down for nudity.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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