hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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