Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
