actually, I'm a sock model
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
