your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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