We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
