I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
