WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
