Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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