I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
