I need help removing her.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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