my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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