you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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