sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
