We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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