your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I need water and some morals
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
