I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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