okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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