I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
